Tahun 2014

Tahun 2014,
Tahun yang penuh musibah.
Semoga esok, lusa dan hari seterusnya lebih indah.

Deeply Tired

Sleepless night,

Powerless mind,

Hopeless heart,

Sorrowfulness soul.

I am deeply tired.

#Thirteen

I am fly up high,

Beyond the skies,

A lot to strive,

In dreams to dive.

Thank You

Dear Buddy,

Thank you for spending your time with me almost every week throughout this year.
Thank you for having me when we hunting for new cafe, coffee, and pastry.
Thank you for listening to my not-so-cool bullshit stories about my life, work and study.
Thank you for being such a good friend since the past eight years since school.
Thank you for the adventures you included me in. Such a wonderful experience!

Thank you Nesh!

The Chambers: Separuh Masa

Berat mata memandang,
Berat lagi bala yang menyandang.

Mungkin ini satu pengakhiran,
Buat kalian, keempat cinta.

Akan aku putuskan seorang dari kalian,
Dalam tempoh separuh masa.

Mungkin ya benar ada,
Mungkin juga ya jika tiada.

Kebarangkalian buat salah satunya tinggi,
Lebih mudah jika ianya sama rata.

Bukankah begitu lebih baik?
Realitinya, pemenangnya hanya seorang saja.

My Heart

It just take a glance,
And I saw you,
It was you.

My heart.

Banjir Di Semenanjung

Dalam kelam, semakin tenggelam,
Dalam basah, semakin susah.

Anak baru dua bulan kini demam panas,
Kucing, ikan entah ke mana, kebun pula tenggelem dek air.

Sabarlah anak, redhalah kakak,
Angah mohon doa semua selamat.

Pantai Timur lumpuh, Kuala Kangsar pun sama,
Jika perlu pindah, maka bersedialah kalian,

Reflection

I don't really look into someone's eyes because of reflection.

Silau weh! >.<

‪#‎TheChambers‬

Dark Cloud

O' dark cloud,

Over my head,

There is no doubt,

How you live in me,

The fire is on,

When you wanted to,

When I'm with him,

I think of you,

And I'm so alone,

And I'm so alone--

Banjir

Terduduk aku di hadapan komputer,
Terdengarkan berita banjir yang melanda,
Jika di Pantai Timur, ya aku tiada sesiapa,
Tapi di Kuala Kangsar, aku ada keluarga di sana.

Jika di Kuala Lumpur, hujan sentiasa,
Mereka di sana, entah apa khabarnya,
Hati risaukan Si Mia, anak saudara,
Harap semua baik-baik hendaknya.

Rindu

Dingin malam itu,
Sejuk hingga membeku,
Dari tulang hingga ke isi kuku,
Hati terus sebak dan sayu,
Sepasang nisan dilepaskan rindu.

Postgraduate Conference

Alhamdulillah. 

I finished both my oral and poster presentation for 3rd Postgraduate Conference on Science and Technology Studies, organized by Department of Science and Technology Studies, Faculty of Science, University of Malaya, Kuala Lumpur.

This is the final week and finally I can have some rest before my final paper. Well, at least everything is paid off.

Zzz.

The Chambers: Stalker

Aku pemerhatimu dalam senyap,
Dari segala laman yang kau ada,
Dan aku tak tahu jika kau sedar,
Aku kini menjadi pembaca segala cerita,
Yang kau kongsikan bersama,
Aku kini seorang stalker senyap,
Pemerhati setia kepada empat teruna.

A Lady and A Guy

A lady and a guy,
Meet each other, making loves.

A lady and a guy,
Meet each other, two hearts break.

A lady and a guys,
Meet each other, many possibilities.

Worth

When you've tried so hard and those people still with their same old ignorance and attitude.

You'd know that it's time to move on, walk off.

Some other things really are not worth to fight for.

Tolong

Diberi kepak, hendakkan peha,
Dimintanya dada, dipijaknya kepala.

Mahunya yang orang punya,
Kerna sendiri tidak ada.

Tolong sini, tolong sana,
Ungkit pula kemudiannya.

Lega

Semester ni lagi banyak pegang microphone dari bass dan guitar, keyboard lagilah jangan cerita.

Tiap hari susah hati seperti ada beban di atas kepala. 

Hilang satu bala, kelegaan yang tak terhingga macamlah dah habis periksa.

The Chambers: Love and Single

NO WONDER!

By #9GAG

AN EXPLANATION!

By #8DICT

Hilang

Sebuah cereka bersama runtunan jiwa,

Segerombolan manusia yang patah hatinya,

Seorang perempuan hilang sinar matanya,

Sekeping nota terakhir ditinggalkan olehnya.

Tired

My eyes are tired,
Seeing your reply to her text.

My heart is tired,
Knowing that you fall to her.

My brain is tired,
Thinking of you ending up with her.

I am tired.

The Chambers: Release

Melihatkan kegagalan aku untuk meneruskan niat maka perlu dilepas seorang dua dari kalian, jauh untuk dikenang walau dari sudut imaginasi yang dalam. Satu dari empat akan diketahui apa nasibnya namun kebarangkalian untuk menjadi kosong juga tidak terkecuali. Jika benar ini terjadi aku akan teruskan dengan pelan sampingan yang belum pernah digunapakai dalam apa jua situasi. Semoga kalian bertemu jodoh dan hidup gembira selamanya.

Unfinished Business

Now I'm so glad that I'm not going to ‪#RTW14 because my nightmare seems like everywhere.

A true friend will try to listen to your story before jump to the conclusion, but you choose not to. I was deeply hurt but the worst part is when things getting viral among friends and I have to eat all the blame when I was alone.

You should confront me not to run from this matter. Whoever press the unfriend and block button first is the loser. I'm just glad that I don't have to press my button first. Clearly, we have unfinished business here.

I've already put past behind but don't forget to say hi if we meet one day. I meant, all of you.

‪

Final Week

Since this week is the final week and there's still some date line to meet. =/

Good luck and all the best to everyone especially STS students. You can do it! =D

Keep calm, do your work, stay safe and please don't be crazy! :3

#MondayMotivation
#fulltimestudentworker
#ScienceTechSustainability

Kecundang

Kejatuhan seorang perempuan adalah lelaki,
Kekuatan seorang lelaki adalah perempuan,
Jika kau jatuh kerna kau tak cukup kuat,
Kau adalah seorang pengalah - kecundang!

Salah kau juga meletakkan nasibmu pada tangan manusia,
Kau perlu ingat ini dalam kepala, kau itu cuma seorang hamba,
Masih perlu akan rasa hidup bertuhankan yang Esa,
Bangkitlah! Jalan hidupmu masih jauh, hingga kau mati dimamah usia.

Longlai

Malam kian larut,
Tiada bulan kelihatan,
Hanya menampakkan awan--

Pasang dan surutnya laut,
Dengan deruan ombak menghempas,
Hanya tubuh longlai terdampai di pantai--

Remuk dan ranapnya jiwa,
Tubuh berdarah dan dipenuhi luka,
Apakah tubuh longlai itu masih bernyawa?

Backing Off

In a year from now, she told you that she will get married. You already said that you will be waiting a year as well. But never realized that another girl is observing you from far each and everyday - silently. And hoping that you will notice her present. If this is a triangle love, she will back off and not gonna intrude the two of you although no one is attached in a relationship.

Hidup Gembira

Berhiduplah dengan gembira,

Walau kau takut dan derita,

Di saat kau tak punyai siapa,

Jangan kau pernah sekali lupa,

Tuhan mu akan selalu ada.

Friendship - Relationship

Talking about marriage again today with a friend in library. I really have different ideology what marriage really is. It's not just about partnership, but friendship-relationship. I always feels that friendship is much stronger than relationship, to stand mutually. So yeah, it has to be friendship-relationship kinda things, so the relationship is much closer than friendship. Sound like confusing but hell yeah I think it suppose to be that way. 

Satu

Retak satu jiwa, diremukkan sebegitu rupa,
Apa boleh kembali seperti asalnya?
Rabak satu hati, direnyukkan begitu saja,
Apa boleh pulih seperti sedia kala?

Time

She said,
As the time will be wasted,
For remembering your face,
She will forget you, eternally.

Sama dan Beza

Apa yang ada di atas kepalaku.
Tidak mungkin sama seperti apa di dalam kepalaku.
Jauh lagi berbeza dengan apa yang ada dalam hatiku.

Pending 2

Reminder for myself of my pending task/assignments.

11/12 - Discussion Research Method
12/12 - Draft poster submission
13/12 - Article submission
16/12 - Presentation and essay submission
18/12 - Final discussion Research Method
19/12 - Poster submission
20/12 - Final Research Method presentation and written proposal submission
22 & 23/12 - Conference paper presentation
31/12 - Individual slide presentation submission
January - EXAM

I'm working based on date line. So yeah don't try to waste my time.

Emergency

Bangun pagi - mandi - iron baju.

Fikir jap - hantar text.

Sambung tidur. *hibernate*

***

Demam tapi tak ada MC jadi kita EL je hari ni. >.<

Dia

Sepertinya aku kelihatan gembira melihat dia.
Terasa mahu pergi kepadanya dan teriak namanya.
Tapi aku pun tidak ketahui siapa dia sebenarnya.
Lalu aku menjerit "hey, hey, awak kat sana!"

4 Months

4 months.
One third of a year.
But you still didn't find me back.

Perempuan Kachak

Manusia rebel itu kelihatan lebih kacak dari biasa,
Bisa kata lebih dari kebanyakkannya teruna,
Juga tidak jatuh dalam kalangan gadis jelita,
Cuma beliau berada di antara keduanya,
Hakikatnya beliau sedar akan jantina sebenarnya,
Seorang perempuan yang kachak paras rupa--

Two Faces

The nicest person that seems harmless is the one who might be the most cruel and harmful.

I can sense that someone will take credits on my job.

Again

Again, I choose to cut my hair and shaved on my right side.

Like nobody business.

The Chambers: Characters

Four unlucky guys were selected to become The Chambers, a name that I've created to describe them where they don't even know about their existence to me or among themselves.

So here are the characteristics that I observed from them through out this year. But it will reflected back with my type of guy. Sound scary huh?

1. Non smoker
2. Not a musician
3. Not a football fan/player
4. A cat lover

Chamber 1: Scored 1/4. Smoker, musician, football fan, cat lover.
Chamber 2: Scored 2/4. Non smoker, musician, football fan, cat lover.
Chamber 3: Scored 1/4. Smoker, musician, football fan, cat lover.
Chamber 4: Scored 3/4. Non smoker, not a musician, football fan, cat lover.

To be honest, I'm more close to the First Chamber compared to the rest.
The Second Chamber somehow makes me want to get know him further.
The Third Chamber is someone that I used to know back from my teenage years.
The Fourth Chamber is the most mysterious among all although he is a good guy.

So which of The Chambers will made it?

I'll leave up to time.

Point

There's a point in this life,
Where we need to stop,
Holding breath, thinking deep,
Then start all over again.

Sometimes

Sometimes, 

We have to learn to let go,

Things that we love to do,

Even caterpillar have to learn to fly,

To become a wonderful butterfly,

So why not us, to try?

Struggling-Juggling

Currently, I'm struggling to juggling with these:

• Work
• Study
• Music
• Life
• Health
• Personal

Say Sorry Then Explain!

Note this please!

1. When you have done something wrong, straight away say SORRY and EXPLAIN.
2. Just admin what have you done and NEVER try to put the blame on other person.
3. Don't wait after so long to do so.  Don't be a CHICKEN without balls.
4. Don't talk bullshit without getting your FACTS right.
5. Don't wait for someone to INITIATE then the rest will come in together. 
6. Since you are the one who START it first and choose not to BOTHER, why I can't do the same?
7. And don't PRETEND that nothing is going on!

THESE ARE BULLSHIT!

#SayNOtoCOUPLE

Ok. Ok. Fine! =_________=

Officially single since 2005. </3

‪#‎SayNOtoCOUPLE‬

Who Are The Chambers?

Who are they? Are they really exist?

Four unlucky guys who never knew that they are The Chambers, never get idea what are they menat to me. Really, bad luck for them.

The State of Ignorance

Since they are used to it, until they forgot that the fact is I'm a girl too.

Served back!

I Wish

To have more time.

Happy Birthday Ang!

Dear Ang, Happy Birthday. =)

There's a lot of things I want to talk to you but first, please return.
Where ever you are, please stay safe and find a way to come back.
I'll be here waiting for you and the rest too. We're not giving up.
Someday, everything will be back to normal.
We will meet each other again, until then.
But for now, good luck and all the best. Be happy always.

Regards,

Izzah

Routine

Wake up in the morning,

Having coffee and dreaming,

Studying, working, and sleeping.

Keep calm and repeat routine.

Jengkel?

Situasi: Dua beradik sedang menonton TV.

Adik: Angah, mengjengkelkan tu apa?
Kakak: Mengjengkelkan tu maksudnya annoying. Dia hmm macam menyampah?

I Am

I am Qis’z Aziz.

***

I was born with named Izzah Aziz. I've been called as Qis'z, a given name during my junior year in boarding school. Thus, I'm using both names, combined and became Izzah Iqiz Aziz since 2004, ten years ago, which explains why I do have a long signature.

I may look small but actually I am not! I'm an adult who can be with or work with those who don't mind how do I look, how my hairdo is, how many studs that I have on my ears, how many scars that I've all over my body, why I can't drive, why I'm not good with girls, why I can't even have a boyfriend, why I can't gain weight and become fat, and so many never ending bull shit questions keep on being ask by others.

Regardless my family background, my music background, my real education background, and what I really do in my real life. I pay respect with race, religion and culture. However, I don't feel that is wrong for Malay not being Malay but it's wrong for a Muslim not to be a Muslim. I don't give a damn with my skin color to be a racist. I was exposed to Chinese education system at the very young age but I speak Manglish most of the time.

I'm a girl that belongs in a group that will get rejected surely by your mom who will think that I'm retarded. A girl that people will see with closed eyes, not giving attention and being underestimate with my own capability, like rubbish on the street or a ball that you can kick.

I like to take photos especially food and scenery. I don't really do selfie except for my own profile photo. I like things naturally, so I won't do any editing on it.  I hate seeing girls with over make up, acting cute, plus with high heels and short skirts. They just torturing themselves to impress people that not even bother. A girl who don't even know how defend herself, keep on rely on others, do not have effort to learn. They are weak. That's what I call as Bimbo, bitches!

And somehow, these keeps me going, keeps me striving. Although I'm so broken, cold, stubborn, fragile and rotten inside, I know that somehow I'll get through this shit because I've been deeply drown before. I'm strong, massive, loyal, and whatsoever shit people won't see in me. Obviously, they can only realize that I don't know how to lie and my impressions speak out my emotions.

People said; if you can't suit with any other group then you're belong to punk. Well said, I'm a Punker as far as I can remember. I've changed from playing guitar to bass as it fits my sorrow soul, a deep cut slowly heal, but I'm trapped in my own space. Hence, I started to find some lights which bring a little happiness. Well at least it works, although for a while.

I may look serious but I am not. I starting to wear spectacles since I was 12 but still not used to it. I know that I have these big eyes which don't have any other special function except to see. I’m having both insomnia and nocturnal habit which cause me difficulty to sleep at night. High tolerance of caffeine sometimes makes me fall asleep faster than dairy products. I like books especially those are related with Biology, Mathematics and Science. I prefer to read English novel instead of Malay and I like to read translated graphic novels.

I honestly don't have a type. If I like you, then I like you. Somehow, I can gain passiveness and negativeness surround me easily. I'm very positive and optimistic but I've highly empathy towards people. That makes me aware of choosing my friends. Most are acquaintance and only few will be in my pocket. I rarely talking harsh towards people but if I do, you are dead.

I have very different idea about marriage especially with the Muslim Malay wedding. I hate things to be complicated when it can be simplify as shit. I'm not rejecting marriage but I really do have problem with Muslim Malay wedding system. The most shit thing about this is dowry where I just feels like it is not necessary.

I’m not flawless. Beauty is subjective and I've choose what's mine. I am Qis'z, rareness with awesomeness. Deal with it!

But are these really important to bother you anyway?

Hell. I don't care!

Saturday, November 1, 2014.

Grey

When there's black and white, I'd choose grey.