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I was born with named Izzah Aziz. I've been called as Qis'z, a given name during my junior year in boarding school. Thus, I'm using both names, combined and became Izzah Iqiz Aziz since 2004, ten years ago, which explains why I do have a long signature.
I may look small but actually I am not! I'm an adult who can be with or work with those who don't mind how do I look, how my hairdo is, how many studs that I have on my ears, how many scars that I've all over my body, why I can't drive, why I'm not good with girls, why I can't even have a boyfriend, why I can't gain weight and become fat, and so many never ending bull shit questions keep on being ask by others.
Regardless my family background, my music background, my real education background, and what I really do in my real life. I pay respect with race, religion and culture. However, I don't feel that is wrong for Malay not being Malay but it's wrong for a Muslim not to be a Muslim. I don't give a damn with my skin color to be a racist. I was exposed to Chinese education system at the very young age but I speak Manglish most of the time.
I'm a girl that belongs in a group that will get rejected surely by your mom who will think that I'm retarded. A girl that people will see with closed eyes, not giving attention and being underestimate with my own capability, like rubbish on the street or a ball that you can kick.
I like to take photos especially food and scenery. I don't really do selfie except for my own profile photo. I like things naturally, so I won't do any editing on it. I hate seeing girls with over make up, acting cute, plus with high heels and short skirts. They just torturing themselves to impress people that not even bother. A girl who don't even know how defend herself, keep on rely on others, do not have effort to learn. They are weak. That's what I call as Bimbo, bitches!
And somehow, these keeps me going, keeps me striving. Although I'm so broken, cold, stubborn, fragile and rotten inside, I know that somehow I'll get through this shit because I've been deeply drown before. I'm strong, massive, loyal, and whatsoever shit people won't see in me. Obviously, they can only realize that I don't know how to lie and my impressions speak out my emotions.
People said; if you can't suit with any other group then you're belong to punk. Well said, I'm a Punker as far as I can remember. I've changed from playing guitar to bass as it fits my sorrow soul, a deep cut slowly heal, but I'm trapped in my own space. Hence, I started to find some lights which bring a little happiness. Well at least it works, although for a while.
I may look serious but I am not. I starting to wear spectacles since I was 12 but still not used to it. I know that I have these big eyes which don't have any other special function except to see. I’m having both insomnia and nocturnal habit which cause me difficulty to sleep at night. High tolerance of caffeine sometimes makes me fall asleep faster than dairy products. I like books especially those are related with Biology, Mathematics and Science. I prefer to read English novel instead of Malay and I like to read translated graphic novels.
I honestly don't have a type. If I like you, then I like you. Somehow, I can gain passiveness and negativeness surround me easily. I'm very positive and optimistic but I've highly empathy towards people. That makes me aware of choosing my friends. Most are acquaintance and only few will be in my pocket. I rarely talking harsh towards people but if I do, you are dead.
I have very different idea about marriage especially with the Muslim Malay wedding. I hate things to be complicated when it can be simplify as shit. I'm not rejecting marriage but I really do have problem with Muslim Malay wedding system. The most shit thing about this is dowry where I just feels like it is not necessary.
I’m not flawless. Beauty is subjective and I've choose what's mine. I am Qis'z, rareness with awesomeness. Deal with it!
But are these really important to bother you anyway?
Hell. I don't care!
Saturday, November 1, 2014.
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